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News: Goofy Edition

by Tryan Hartill

After searching around, I’m have trouble coming up with enough news stories for today. So I’m forced to go funny and weird.

National

  • The U.S. Navy has been reading Astoria Rust and has been diligently working on Guy’s vomiting problems. Now they unveil a new “vomit laser”. The device shoots a laser beam at the victim and they get dizzy and fall over. But if set on high, the victim experiences “extreme motion sickness” and pukes.
  • The FCC has released the complaints from the Superbowl. One of the better ones:

It was obscene to show Prince, a HOMOSEXUAL person through a sheet…...I am very offended and I would prefer not to have showed it to my 4 children who love football. One of them has hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay. I am actually considering to check him for HIV. Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.

This and the Snickers (more “Gayness”) commercial sums up about every complaint…..

  • The newest trend at Colleges is porn magazines that feature students. The magazines charge for subscriptions and pay for pictures. The one at Boston University has a circulation of 10,000.
  • Quantum physicists explain that it is impossible to travel back in time, but traveling a million years into the future is a possibility…..hope that clears everything up.

::::

Oregon

  • A bill has been proposed to make Oregon the first State to offer each newborn money for College. Each child would receive $200, as long as the Parents matched it.
  • Cyber-bullying is the new thing at schools. And of course Salem is on the trail by introducing a bill that “mandates each school to develop policy aimed at curbing electronic bullying”.

Local

  • This years salmon catch looks to be better with less restrictions.
  • Crab catch much lower than last year. On a sidenote, I’d have to say that the Daily Astorian has improved dramatically over the last 10 days or so.
  • County appoints 3 new budget members. Joe Bakkensen, Dan Bartlett, and Cary Johnson. They join Russ Farmer and Karolyn Adamson.

And finally some breaking news that you can only find on NCO…. Northcoastoregon is NOT banned in China! That’s right you can check and see if the Chinese Government has banned your site or not, at greatfirewallofchina.org

Mar 8, 01:32 am | Tryan Hartill
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6 comments on this article (post your own)

1 On Mar 8, 01:57 am, THartill wrote:

On a related note I am going to start putting less of the articles on the “excerpt” in the future in order to allow more to stay on the front page. I just noticed that articles from Sunday are already being pushed off…..

Also remember to get your guesses in for the blogger contest…the deadline is fast approaching…..

And where has the local “Blogfather” himself, Patrick McGee been?

2 On Mar 8, 05:53 am, Auntie L wrote:

PM I believe is probably somewhere getting “Tan, Rested and Ready”........

3 On Mar 8, 08:55 am, Walter Richards wrote:

RE: Time travel.

What would be the point of travelling to the future, if you couldn’t travel to the past … which would be your present before going to the future? You couldn’t bring anything back, since you couldn’t travel back to your time. Plus, you’d probably be kidnapped by anthropologists for study. lol.

4 On Mar 8, 10:09 am, THartill wrote:

Yep that what I thought also. Seems that someone who is in a coma is traveling into the future when they woke up. And if frozen people are brought back to life, they are traveling into the future also, right?

5 On Mar 8, 10:21 am, Walter Richards wrote:

Put that way … we’re all traveling into the future. lol.

RE: College trend.

That amazes me. I’d think feminist groups would be up in arms and it would die before it got too far. I vaguely remember in the early 80’s, when I was in high school, that Playboy had issues devoted to “girls of (college)”. Yes, I read Playboy. No, not for the articles. lol

I never understand women protesting other women appearing in porn. If it’s “their bodies” for abortion, it’s “their bodies” for porn. Right? Seems logical to me.

Anyway. What was it that judge said a number of years ago? “I can’t define porn, but I know it when I see it.” LOL

6 On Mar 8, 12:29 pm, THartill wrote:

Time Travel

If I ever got pulled over for speeding, I always wanted to get clocked at 88mph…after the cop told me how fast I was going I’d say..”I’m trying to travel back to the future!”.

Porn

Yep I’m with you….I’ve never understood women being upset with nude photos, strippers etc etc….

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